In contrast to the pump-up-and-burst type of ejaculatory orgasm that usually leaves men tired, I teach my male clients to have non-ejaculatory orgasms that build up their energy instead. Many men I've coached tell me they still feel their body charged with erotic energy and they become emotionally closer to their love partner. Some report a strong sense of bonding to themselves as well. They experience themselves as more loveable and have higher self-esteem. Thoughts and feelings are in alignment - that is, they no longer think one way and feel another way. They feel at peace with themselves and connected with the whole of life.

Sometimes a man can reach a very high orgasm by accident, when he feels his energy expand beyond his body to include his lover. Occasionally, he can even reach high levels of spiritual connection as well. But, without the scientific knowledge of how to reproduce these effects, achieving such results is left to chance.

Tantra, however, uses methods that can produce repeatable results when practiced correctly. An important part of the Tantric approach is the understanding of energy - how it's stirred up, expanded, and moved to different parts of the body. If a man wants to attain more control over achieving multiple orgasms without ejaculation, he'll need to learn the Tantric techniques. These can best be acquired from women who have the dedication, knowledge and experience to be Tantric love coaches. These women are called Tantrikas.

If a Tantrika is unavailable in your area, you might get some very basic information from Tantra books or videotapes. There are some great ones on DoctorG.com at http://DoctorG.com/tantra.htm. But trying to learn how to have non-ejaculatory multiple orgasms from such instructional aids alone is comparable to learning to ride a bike by reading a book about bicycles. To perfect your technique, you really have to get on a bike yourself or have a private Tantra session with an experienced Tantrika.

These techniques come to us from the ancient knowledge of Tantra, the art and science of becoming a more conscious person and lover. They include methods of concentration to tune into your body sensations without allowing your mind to wander, or comparing this experience with others, or rushing to reach a specific goal. They include very important breathing techniques - some designed to increase sexual energy, some to surrender to that energy, and some to control that energy. Also important are techniques designed to use sound in a special way to vibrate different parts of the body to further expand that energy.

I've had several men tell me they were embarrassed to make sounds during lovemaking, believing only women make them. But after they've experienced the qualitative and quantitative differences of erotic excitement that the orgasmic sounds can produce, they accept the idea with more enthusiasm. Many of them decide to tell their love partner before lovemaking that they'll use certain sounds to increase and lengthen their mutual pleasure. They invariably find their partners are actually turned on by those sounds.

The techniques of seven levels of movements - from the shallowest and slowest to the deepest and fastest - can be used like precisely fine-tuned instruments in a wonderful symphony (andante, staccato, etc.), depending on the effects you want to create. For example, as you feel yourself approaching the point of ejaculatory inevitability, you'd change your pelvic movement from the yang to the yin - that is, from the fast and strong thrust to a slower and more relaxed one, perhaps directing the thrust away from your partner's body and softening the penetration.

Also important are techniques of varying the touching approach of your sexual organs, your heart area, and other parts of your body at specific times during lovemaking. For instance, a relaxed perineum (the area between the genitals and the anus) and strong love muscles (the pubococcygeal or PC muscles at the base of your pelvis) are prerequisites for de-localizing your sexual energy. In that way you can avoid ejaculation, and at the same time increase your orgasmic pleasure, by re-directing highly charged sexual energy to other parts of your body.

All the above tools and more aid in creating multiple full-body orgasms - orgasms that are felt throughout the entire body, not just in the genitals. An analogy that helps men understand the process is that of wave surfing. As you're building up your sexual energy, you ride the wave upward. As you're approaching the crest, you start riding along the crest, thus avoiding going over the top. Greater and longer thrills are your reward if you don't allow yourself to go over the top of the first wave.

Another analogy that helps explain multiple orgasms is that of climbing a tall mountain with several peaks. When you're almost within reach of the first peak, you hang out in an adjacent valley and feel the blessings of the high energy you've generated so far. You can use Tantric techniques to sustain your erection for as long as you want and, at the same time, connect more deeply with your love partner's heart and soul. At this first peak, you can have your first non-ejaculatory orgasm that involves the whole body. It's also called a Valley Orgasm. It's as though all the cells of your body are exploding with pleasure and excitement while the lingam (the penis) is still retaining most of its energy. It takes just a moment of concentration on the lingam for it to recharge even stronger than before.

After this invigorating rest you can resume the movement and the breathing that will bring you to the next peak, and then to yet another. The full-body orgasms get increasingly stronger until you reach the highest peak of the Himalayas. This lovemaking could culminate in the biggest, strongest orgasm that you've ever experienced. This is when you can go beyond your body to feel your connection with the whole cosmos. You then can really experience the feeling that you're not only a cell in the infinite universe but you also are the universe and can come back into your physical reality fully recharged and more at peace.

If after many such peaks you decide to ejaculate as well, Tantra recommends that you do that by taking the longest, deepest breath and then exhaling slowly, vocalizing your excitement while you're ejaculating. Tantric masters can prolong their ejaculations to last for nine consecutive deep breaths.

The best candidates for this esoteric knowledge are men who are honest enough with themselves to admit that, no matter how good they are as lovers, they can always improve their techniques and approaches to lovemaking. These men are courageous enough to ask for help and smart enough to get it. They know their greatest wealth is the quality of life they create for themselves and for the women they love. These men also have enough wisdom to know that experiencing full-body orgasms will take time and practice.

While practicing the techniques, there are many signs to look for that can confirm you're on the right track. A tingling sensation, shifts of consciousness, a warm glow, a feeling of being lost in time, making involuntary sounds and spontaneous movements, and becoming relaxed in a high state of excitement are all signs of an impending full-body orgasm. The key is to pay attention to the smallest sensations in your body. Instead of judging them as too small to matter, you become curious about how big they can get but without making that a goal.

A wise man also knows that sometimes we have unconscious resistance to pleasure and that some limiting thoughts or emotions like shame or guilt might come up. This is an important reason a qualified coach can be very valuable. An experienced Tantrika can spot those more-or-less subtle blocks and invite you to relax, own them, and move through them to a higher level of bliss.

Learning to have several full-body orgasms without ejaculating can help a man circulate his sexual energy to flood his hormonal system and re-stimulate hormone-producing cells that usually reduce their production as they become older. Higher production occurs during your developing years and then diminishes steadily with age. Men using the Tantric techniques can heighten their hormone production, especially free testosterone which causes high sexual desire and improves performance.

There are several other benefits to this practice. Exercising your love muscles will strengthen them and will help keep your erection powerful and strong for a very long time. The increased circulation that results from the recommended contractions and releases will help to keep the sexual organs strong and healthy. The risk of ending up with prostate problems diminishes substantially.

One of the most important side benefits of a man mastering the multiple orgasm techniques is that it gives the woman time to get greatly stimulated and her genitals time to get highly engorged so that she can have several orgasms herself. The ancient Tantric masters knew that if they satisfied their women sexually and they honored them as an equal partner, harmony in the family was the result. Besides, I'm often told that a man's greatest pleasure is to see his woman very turned on by him.

Have you ever considered how much money, time, and emotional pain a divorce ends up costing? Some divorces happen because of lack of trust and lack of communication. However, in my many years of helping men, women and couples achieve their maximum satisfaction in life, I have consistently observed that when sex is great and men have certain control over their sexual instincts, life becomes more fulfilling sexually, spiritually, as well as on other levels. The emotions and the spirit get lots of nurturing and the love between the couple grows much stronger. Trust and communication improve greatly. When you make love for a couple of hours instead of just a few minutes, you're more likely to stop outer body movements and get into deep communication by looking into each other's eyes and sending energy back and forth to each other.

During these love-building breaks, you'd communicate how much you like making love to your partner and how important she is in your life. You might take turns flexing your internal love muscles to maintain your erection. Don't worry if your erection diminishes in size a bit. You can regain the full erection shortly after you start moving again. In Tantra, you'll learn that it's more about moving energy than about work. You'll learn to circulate your sexual energy throughout your body - and hers - expanding it to gain all these benefits while having a wonderful time.

In the end, even if you decide to ejaculate, you'll have absorbed most of the energetic content of your ejaculate and you won't feel tired and sleepy afterwards. You can stay awake and share pillow-talk with your partner, an activity all women seem to enjoy after making love. This is an instance in which you can have your cake and eat it too.

Copyright 2001 by Carla Tarantola