Learning Ejaculation
control
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Ejaculation control.
The definition of premature ejaculation is imprecise and the
subject of disagreement among sex therapists and researchers.
Masters and Johnson suggested that ejaculation occurs prematurely
if the woman does not reach orgasm during intercourse at least
50 percent of the time. This definition is problematic, as
some women reach orgasm very rapidly during intercourse, while
for others, orgasm never occurs during intercourse, regardless
of duration. Kaplan proposed that a lack of voluntary control
over the occurrence of orgasm defined premature ejaculation.
However, it is not clear that the ejaculation reflex is truly
subject to voluntary control. Rather, the ejaculation reflex,
similar to the sneezing reflex, is at best only partially under
voluntary control.
The Diagnostic and Statistical
Manual of the American Psychiatric Association defines premature
ejaculation as "ejaculation
with minimal sexual stimulation or before, upon, or shortly
after penetration and before the person wishes it." This
definition acknowledges that there must be a subjective element
to the diagnosis of premature ejaculation. As well as considering
the duration of intercourse, the nature of the couple's sexual
interaction must be evaluated. A couple who engages in 45 minutes
of unrestrained manual and oral-genital foreplay, followed
by one minute of pleasurable intercourse, would not be considered
to be troubled by premature ejaculation. However, ejaculation
after ten minutes of intercourse might be premature if this
duration can only be achieved by avoiding all foreplay; spraying
the penis with a skin anesthetic; wearing three condoms; thinking
unpleasant, distracting thoughts; and biting one's tongue so
the pain interferes with sexual arousal.
The rates of premature
ejaculation found in population studies have varied between
10 percent and 25 percent of men surveyed,
probably due to differences in the definition of the problem.
In terms of actual duration of intercourse, the 1948 Kinsey
Report found that "for perhaps three-quarters of all males,
orgasm is reached within two minutes" of intercourse,
but Hunt's 1974 study found that the average duration of intercourse
had increased dramatically, to 10 to 14 minutes, in the intervening
26 years. This dramatic change in the societal norm for duration
of intercourse has increased the distress of men who suffer
from premature ejaculation.
Premature ejaculation, according to Bancroft, is typically
a younger man's problem, with the majority of cases involving
men under the age of 30. Premature ejaculation is typical for
young men in their first sexual experiences and might be considered
normal at this time. However, as these men have no history
of successful sexual relationships as a basis for their sexual
self-esteem, self-blame and self-labeling as dysfunctional
often occur. With continued sexual experience, most men spontaneously
get over their initial premature ejaculation. Along with the
effects of experience, as a normal physiological change in
aging the time required for a man to reach orgasm increases,
but this is a slow change occurring over many years. A young
man whose premature ejaculation is not resolved with greater
sexual experience would have to wait 20 or 30 years for normal
aging processes to solve his problem.
Premature ejaculation does not seem to be caused by any physiological
factors or medical conditions. While Kaplan suggested that
some local diseases or medications could cause premature ejaculation,
Bancroft did not find this to be the case.
Research has also failed to connect premature ejaculation
with the complex individual psychodynamic and couple-relationship
problems associated with other sexual dysfunctions, such as
hypoactive sexual desire. Rather, premature ejaculation seems
to be typical of young, sexually inexperienced males who simply
have not learned to slow down and modulate their arousal and
to prolong the pleasurable process of making love. Men who
have sex only infrequently are also prone to ejaculate prematurely.
Indeed, Kinsey, Pomeroy, and Martin proposed that the primary
cause of premature ejaculation was a low frequency of sexual
activity. Research has indicated that sensory thresholds in
the penis are lowered by infrequent sexual activity and that
premature ejaculation patients have a low rate of sexual activity.
However, it may well be that premature ejaculation makes sex
an unpleasant failure experience, which is therefore avoided,
rather than that low frequency of sexual activity causes premature
ejaculation.
Anxiety and ejaculation
both involve activation of the sympathetic nervous system,
so anxiety about trying to delay ejaculation
can make the problem worse. Masters and Johnson proposed that
men learn to be rapid ejaculators during adolescent masturbation,
when they often hurry to ejaculate because of fear of being
discovered by parents. However, such experiences seem to have
been equally common in men who are not premature ejaculators.
There has even been some speculation by evolutionary biologists
that rapid ejaculation may have been selected for during primate
evolution, through a "survival of the fastest" process.
A male who could ejaculate rapidly would be more likely to
reproduce successfully, as there would be less chance of the
female escaping, another male interrupting, or a predator attacking
before coitus was completed.
Kaplan proposed that premature ejaculators cannot accurately
perceive their own arousal level and therefore cannot engage
in self-control. However, one laboratory study comparing premature
ejaculators and age-matched normal control subjects actually
found that the premature ejaculators were more accurate when
their self-ratings were compared to objective measures of physiological
arousal. It may be that premature ejaculators, who because
of their problem keep their attention focused on how close
they are to ejaculation during sexual activity, have trained
themselves to be unusually accurate self-observers of arousal.
None of the theories of the cause of premature ejaculation
is well supported by research, except that premature ejaculation
is typical of younger, less experienced men and men who have
sex infrequently.
The treatment of premature
ejaculation, using the "pause" and "squeeze" procedures
developed by Semans and by Masters and Johnson, has been found
to be highly effective. Research has demonstrated that such
procedures work well in group as well as in individual treatment,
and in self-help programs; they can be practiced in individual
masturbation with relatively good transfer of therapeutic gains
when sex with a partner is resumed. Success rates of 90 percent
to 98 percent are reported.
In the stop-start or pause procedure, the penis is manually
stimulated until the man is fairly highly aroused. The couple
then pauses until his arousal subsides, at which time the stimulation
is resumed. This sequence is repeated several times before
stimulation is carried through to ejaculation, so the man ultimately
experiences much more total time of stimulation than he ever
has before and thus learns to have a higher threshold for ejaculation.
The squeeze procedure is much like the stop-start procedure,
with the addition that when stimulation stops, the woman firmly
squeezes the penis between her thumb and forefinger, at the
place where the glans of the penis joins the shaft. This squeeze
seems to further reduce arousal. After a few weeks of this
training, the necessity of pausing diminishes, with the man
able to experience several minutes of continuous penile stimulation
without ejaculating. Next, the couple progresses to putting
the penis in the vagina but without any thrusting movements.
If the man rapidly becomes highly aroused, the penis is withdrawn
and the couple waits for arousal to subside, at which point
the penis is reinserted. When good tolerance for inactive containment
of the penis is achieved, the training procedure is repeated
during active thrusting. Generally, two to three months of
practice is sufficient for a man to be able to enjoy prolonged
intercourse without any need for pauses or squeezes.
We have no real understanding
of why the pause and squeeze procedures described by Semans
in 1956 and Masters and Johnson
in 1970 work. The pause procedure fits Guthrie's theoretical
paradigm for counter conditioning by "crowding the threshold." Additionally,
the stimulation and pause procedure is typically repeated by
the patient several times per week, thus raising the frequency
of sex and raising the sensory threshold of the penis. Either
or both of these mechanisms may underlie the effectiveness
of treatment.
Some variations on the pause and squeeze procedures have been
reported, typically as clinical case reports. One variation
described by LoPiccolo involves reversing one of the physiological
changes that occurs during high arousal. During high arousal,
the scrotum contracts and elevates the testes close to the
body. As well as having the patient cease stimulation or squeeze
on the penis, the patient may also be instructed to stretch
out the scrotum and reverse this testicular elevation. However,
during high arousal, any additional stimulation of the scrotum
and perineum may trigger an ejaculation and thus may make the
pause and squeeze procedure ineffectual. Empirical data on
the effectiveness of this technique are lacking.
Segraves reported that
drugs and medications that block sympathetic arousal often
have the effect of delaying ejaculation. Such
agents include anti-anxiety, antidepressant, and major tranquilizing
medications; sedatives; some medications used to treat high
blood pressure; and some antihistamines. However, because of
serious side effects, the use of medication in treating premature
ejaculation is not recommended, especially when the effectiveness
of the behavioral retraining procedure is considered. Many
of the recreational or "street" drugs such as alcohol,
marijuana, cocaine, "downers" (barbiturates), and
heroin also delay ejaculation, and although some men do use
such agents to deal with their premature ejaculation, this
is even more unwise than the use of prescription medications.
It is somewhat puzzling that although there is little agreement
about the definition or cause of premature ejaculation, and
no real understanding of how the treatment procedure works,
treatment is virtually 100 percent effective. If one has to
have a sexual dysfunction, this is the one to have.
Why is ejaculation control for men so important?
Once a man has reached
the point in his sexual development where he begins to understand
that just "getting off" isn't
satisfying him or his partner, he craves for more. Which is
a natural desire. And in his heart he knows there is more,
but often doesn't know how to achieve these higher pleasures.
Tantra teaches us that for a man to achieve the highest Ecstasy
possible for himself and his lover, he first needs to learn
ejaculation control and to direct his sexual energy up his
spine to the higher centers of his brain. In Tantra this sexual
energy is known as "kundalini" energy.
When a man masters the
ability to move his Kundalini energy up along his spine,
he increases the pleasure for himself and
his lover to levels that he might never have dreamt of. As
a man learns to master the movement his Sexual Energy within
his body, he will be able to control his ejaculation. At this
point he is free to make love "without" feeling the
pressure to ejaculate.
A man's sensitivity and
awareness is profoundly heightened to the subtle and refined
pleasures of lovemaking. He steps
into an expanded state of consciousness, which allows him to
achieve "multiple" and "full-body orgasms".
The benefits of "full-body" orgasm are many. Full-body
orgasm frees him from stress and tensions, heals his prostate
gland, opens his heart and connects him deeper to his lover
and himself. It also facilitates the man in experiencing multiple
orgasms. By "multiple" is not to imply "multiple
ejaculations", but rather that once a man learns to move
his Kundalini energy through his body he can have orgasms and
not ejaculate. This is known as a "dry orgasm" or
none-ejaculatory orgasm.
Pump the PC muscles. The pubococcygeal (PC) muscles, which
run from your public bone to your tailbone, are the ultimate
sex muscles. These are the same muscles used to stop the flow
of urine. If properly conditioned, the PCs enable you to stop
ejaculation while continuing to enjoy sex. Kegel exercises
are the best way to tone the PCs.
Here’s how: Contract your PC muscles three times per
day, squeezing 20 to 25 repetitions. This is a simple exercise
that you can do at anytime. Just don’t overdo it. After
a month of conditioning, try to extend the squeeze, holding
each contraction for two seconds. Gradually work up to 10 seconds.
Once your PCs are in top shape, you will be able to pump them
in order to ride the orgasmic wave without gliding over the
brink too soon.
Relax. Although it sounds
paradoxical, it’s important
for men to stay relaxed during high states of arousal. If you
feel the undulations of ejaculation, take a slow, deep breath
and stop making love long enough for your arousal to subside.
Relax and try to direct energy from your penis up through your
body.
Take this time to talk
to your partner or to draw several slow, deep breaths. By
experimenting, you will discover how
much “time out” you require before catching the
next wave. The idea is to allow yourself enough time for the
intensity to subside, but not so much that you lose your erection.
When you and your partner make love, thrust slowly, allowing
your arousal to build gradually. Before your excitement mounts,
relax for a moment, tighten your PC muscles and take a deep
breath. Resume your lovemaking, continuing to generate excitement.
Then, relax again, hold
your PCs and breathe. Continue to ride this swell until you
near the crest. Then, open your eyes,
clamp down on your PC muscles and take a deep breath to experience
the joy of orgasm without ejaculating. Since these techniques
take practice, expect a few “wipe outs” before
you achieve mastery.
Men have a tremendous capacity for pleasure and orgasm that
is virtually untouched for most men. As a man masters tantric
practice and higher energy movement, he begins to view his
Lingam (penis) as an instrument of a deeper love connection
with the woman. This deeper connection facilitates moving the
woman to the highest states of Ecstasy and orgasmic pleasure
that she can achieve. Allowing the man and woman to continue
to build higher levels of ecstasy together.
For one to one Teaching
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